He's go "IT" NOT

I’m sitting at my desk eating my lunch when iiww comes in. He says he and Bob have a question for me. I say “I’m eating my lunch.” Now I figure he will know to go away. Nope, not iiww! Iiww says it’s really important. I look up over my glasses and say “When I’m done.” In that tone of voice every mother has. I’m like good lord get out dude and let me eat.

So I finish my lunch and go over to Bob’s office. Ask what is so important. Bob says go ahead iiww and tell her. Iiww says “no you tell it better than I do, go ahead.” Bob says “no way.” I’m thinking to myself dear lord this had better be good.

Iiww says “Bob doesn’t believe I can get a girl anytime I want. In fact I can get one in 10 minutes if I wanted to. I have girls coming over in the middle of the night all the time for booty calls.” I think my mouth must have hit the floor as Bob is cracking up. I said “Iiww you are full of sh!t, with the attitude you have towards women? They should be running away, don’t believe ya!”

I walk out shaking my head and go to Bertha’s office. She has heard everything and is also shaking her head. Bob yells over to us iiww still wants to know if you believe him.
We shake our heads no enthusiastically. Bob yells to iiww even though they are still in Bob’s office that even Bertha says no. Then Bob says “Iiww you need to wake up and come out of fairyland.”

I go back to my office. About 10 minutes later Bob sticks his head in and says “Oh thought I heard you on the phone making a date with iiww.” I look at him and flip him off. So he comes in and sits down in the spare chair. Really need to get rid of that chair it is far too convenient. Iiww walks by and Bob yells “Iiww, Sherry needs you!” Iiww comes in and asks what do you need? I tell him nothing.

Bob starts in again and asks if he has a women yet. Iiww says “No, I don’t want one today. But if I did all I have to do is make a call. I don’t need women, I have been without before for 8 months.” Bob says “OOOOOOOOOOOHH a whole 8 months?”
I’m sitting there laughing. Iiww says “Well when you got it you got it, what can I say. I got it.” Ok, I was taking a drink of water when he said that and damn near spewed it all out! Bob waited until I stopped coughing and says “Well try you it on Sherry.” I look at iiww and he says “No she is out of my league.” Bob says “You got that right.” "You know you have IT, and with you got it you got it alright..i may even be turning gay because you got it.
I shake my head at the both of them and say “Iiww I wouldn’t give you the time of day let alone a date.” Just then Bertha stops. Ok, office is crowded now. Bob says “Bertha would you give him the time of day or a date?” Bertha’s reply was “Um, Nope.”

Iiww then began explaining how it wasn’t always like this just the past few months. He started going into detail so I kicked them all out.

OMG This can't be real!

OMG is how I have to start typing this. I am just shaking my head in disbelief. I still can’t believe the conversation we just had about daylight savings time change is coming up in November.

I am working away in my office, sipping tea. All of a sudden *Bob and iiww come walking in arguing. Bob sits down in my spare chair (getting rid of that thing) and says go ahead iiww tell her what your problem is. Still sipping my tea and ask “When do you get up and change the time on your clocks?” Ok, dang near spit my tea out and choked.

I had heard a bit of the conversation before they came in so I had an inkling of what was going on. And knowing Bob I figured it was going to be good. But that one threw me.

With only a moments hesitation I said 2am just like everyone else does.
And then we proceed to explain to him that it won’t work right if you don’t wait until 2am.

Bob asks iiww when he does it. Iiww does it before he goes to bed. He sets his clock back and his ALARM back as well. Neither one of us made a comment on the alarm thing. We really couldn’t as I think we were speechless.

Iiww still doesn’t believe us. So I Google it. First that that pops up is that DLS time ends at 2:00am on Nov. 4^th. So now we have him convinced he has to get up at 2:00am to change his clocks. Gee if he changes his alarm too he will be really early for work. That would be a switch!

The Big Breakup

There were a few of us just talking and iiww came up. Bob** was telling us about the conversation he had just had with iiww.

Iiww came in yesterday with a huge hickey on his neck and showed it off to everyone. He even tried to show the ones you couldn’t see. That was scary, thank goodness someone stopped him. He preceded to tell us it wasn’t from his girlfriend and that he had cheated on her. We were like ok, and you are telling us this why? Anyway he went on relentlessly and told us how he broke up with his girlfriend because he thought she could do better. Like DUH DUDE.

Well afternoon came and he got a phone call from the broken up girlfriend. She had broken her hand and wanted him to take her to emergency room. Flew out the door before anyone could ask him any questions.

So this afternoon he was in helping Bob as he is supposed to. A few of us were talking by the door and this is conversation went:

Bob: I thought you broke up with your girlfriend?

Iiww: I did, why?

Bob: Why did she call you then to take her to the hospital?

Iiww: I don’t know, I guess she hasn’t heard yet.

Bob: Heard what?

Iiww: That we broke up. Her hand was pretty messed up though.

Bob: WHAT? What do you mean she hasn’t heard?

Iiww: Well I told her mom and a friend of hers to tell her.

Bob: You told her mom and her friend? Why didn’t you tell her?

John** walks to the doorway.

John: You mean to tell me you weren't man enough to even tell her?

Iiww: I didn’t want to talk to her.

Bob: You know what I think iiww, I think that she never called you. I think you never went to the hospital.

Iiww eyes gone huge and wild. You can see he is trying to think of something.

Iiww: Why did someone tell you they saw me? If they did they are lying. I was at the hospital.

Bob: No one said they saw you. I am just speaking from experience of you telling us one thing and doing another.

Iiww: I don’t do that! (angry now and talking very loud) You know what Bob, just get yourself caught up. (storms out of Bob’s office)

20 minutes later

Sorry Bob, I have a migraine today, I didn’t mean it.

LOL, he told me earlier it was a hangover!

**NOT REAL NAMES

Lunch Part One!

I am full from lunch, and thought I would sit down and write a bit. Yesterday someone asked if we all wanted to bring stuff in for BLT’s as he has too many tomatoes. We all agreed. Even iiww. So for breakfast #1 brought doughnut holes & bagels w/cream cheese. From #2 was potato salad & chips, #3 lettuce, # 4 cheese, sandwich spread and pickles, #5 bacon, #6 tomatoes & bread, #7 is iiww.

He brought nothing.

Lets start with breakfast. I had a couple of the doughnut holes, everyone else decided it was bagel time. Guess who is in there already fixing a bagel? AND has about 5 doughnut holes on his plate. Yes, iiww.

Now for lunch. #2 got everything out while I went out for a smoke break. I come back in and check my email and iiww walks in my office. He asks if I am ready to go outside for lunch. I tell him I just came back in. He says, “Man and I really need a smoke.” Ok, I sit there for a minute and it dawns (that’s dawn not don, you know who you are) on me. He doesn’t have any cigarettes. Ok, I am nice and go find him to give him one. Where is he? You guessed it, in the kitchen making a sandwich!

I stop and look for a minute. He looks up and I ask if he wants a smoke. “Sure if you have an extra, I have a quarter.” I tell him to keep his quarter. He continues to make his sandwich. The dang thing is huge. I think he put on about 8 slices of bacon!

Well we all get done eating and are talking. We wait until iiww sympathiser/enabler (#4) goes to her office. Me & #1 are still out there. We ask the other two guys if they are done. Yes they are over full as per usual. LOL. We tell them we are going to clean up and put everything in my office except fridge stuff. Now we are waiting. Apparently he is taking a long lunch. We all go back to work.

I keep listening but unfortunately I didn’t hear him come in so I couldn’t see his face when he walked by and seen it all put away.

Will let you know how it goes tomorrow when we are going out for lunch for a birthday!

IIWW needs the Energizer Bunny!

I was sitting on a bench at lunch, talking with a few people. I see IIWW over by his car cussing by the looks of it. He starts walking over to where we are. I ask someone if they wanted to sit. She said no that she was going back inside. Then IIWW walks by her and sits down. She looks at me and mouths “sorry” laughs and leaves (wench lol).

IIWW preceeds to inform me that he left his car lights on. And then tells me the sad story of how he was on his cell phone about a half hour before lunch and its battery went dead. And then he starts rambling on about the fire department. I quit listening by then and am talking to someone else. Guess he likes his own voice.

Well the fire department had a call go out about a hour and half after lunch. He goes running, leaving someone from work on the phone. Tells someone else to hang it up. I am sitting here thinking, how is he going to get there with a dead battery?

I start talking (yes it was a yappy day) to a couple of others here. We are discussing how he could possibly get to the fire station. I volunteered to go out a way so I can see if his car is still there.

I walk in this morning and talk to one of the people from yesterday. I say yep it was there alright. She laughs and we go to the other persons office and tell him. He also laughs and we wonder if he went or just took off to the bar that is close by.

IIWW walks in about that time. We all go to our own offices as he is suppose to help the other guy as soon as he gets in. A couple of hours later I am on my way out for a break and am stopped. The other employee asks if I had heard the spew of the day. I laugh and say no tell me.

Apparently he found someone going that way and got a ride. Imagine that, someone just happening by like that. But alas he was too late. They already had it mostly cleaned up. That is why he couldn’t tell us what the vehicles were.

So she asked about the car. He said he hadn’t left the lights on. He figured someone or someones had messed with his car. He said they all hate him. Hmmm…absolutely true. But, these people he was saying can't even get on the property!

I went to ask him about getting a jump for his car. Knowing what he had already said to the others but he was gone. I knew he was supposed to take this afternoon off but he told his boss he would cancel. Guess the threat to be fired didn’t really work. Apparently his ex-girlfriend was taken to the emergancy room and he had to go see her. Hope he gets a note from the hospital!

DANGER IIWW DANGER

IIWW just received his warning. As I said in my last post IIWW has missed a lot more time than allowed. He has made up some but usually ends up with less than 40 hours a week every week.

That said, he is supposed to be helping another employee get caught up on a project that got dumped on that employee. The project was thee months behind he received it. IIWW’s boss told him to come in early 1 hour everyday and go in and help (so that should be a 45 hour week). That was a month ago. IIWW does come in early, but he is either on his cell phone or the net or god knows what. He certainly isn’t working.

When he does go in and help it is usually for about 20 minutes. Then the cell rings, ok 10 minute conversation. He works at it maybe another 15 – 20 minutes. You guessed it another cell call. At this point he usually goes in his office with the phone call. The other employee figures it is his girlfriend and that he has her call at a specific time so he can go to his office. So now he has worked for 35 – 40 minutes on this project. Not the required hour.

Well the other employee has gotten pretty fed up with this scenario. He writes an email to their boss and explains the situation. IIWW received a phone call late yesterday afternoon from his boss. As you know he didn’t get in until afternoon.

IIWW walks into the other employees office and sits down to do what he is supposed to. IIWW says to the other employee “You emailed the boss didn’t you?” Other employee, “Several times, which time are you talking about?” IIWW says “About me not coming in here in the mornings” The other employee proceeds to tell him yes. IIWW, “Well the boss just told me that the only reason I haven’t been fired is because there is a hiring freeze on. You know this is your fault don’t you? He wouldn’t have called and said that if you hadn’t emailed.” The other employee was thing WTF. He said, “No IIWW it isn’t my fault. I didn’t take a week vacation and never call in. I didn’t put on my timesheets I was here and wasn’t. I don’t forget my card to get in and sign in instead. Didn’t you know the boss could just call and find out? Are you really that stupid?” IIWW says “Just shut the hell up.”

So as we end it, IIWW is sitting in there angry and silent. The other employee tells me how much he is enjoying the silence and is gloating about the warning! Wonder if he will answer his phone today?

Lies, Lies, Everywhere Lies

IIWW has been quiet as of late. But he came out with a couple of good ones today. I swear IIWW has been to court for varies reasons at least 12 times in the past 3 months. This morning was one of them.

This morning and the last three have been for driving without a license and running a red light. Like if you don’t have a license why would you run a red light? Anyway, he calls someone about 11:00am and says he is done and is going to stop at McDonalds and will right in. (1^st lie it is 5 minutes away).

I am at the water fountain when he arrives at noon, he can’t see me. He starts talking to another person about court. I will give you a bit of the conversation. He says “Well I only have to pay a $300.00 fine!” He is really excited about that. She says “I thought you hired a lawyer and was getting off?” (2^nd lie – he said that two weeks ago to all) He said I thought they would give me a public defender today. I don’t think they even have public defender for the county.” Ok, my water bottle is over flowing by now, but I still stand there, gotta hear it. The next statement is one of the two most outrageous I heard today. He continues on “It was the same judge from my custody battle, I think he plays favorites and should be barred.” (Yes, barred, not disbarred.)

She goes on and asks (and yes she is baiting him she knows I am there.) “Well whatever happened with the custody case? You’ve never said.” IIWW said, “Well I had two lawyers, (3^rd lie, he forgot he told us he never had one because it is too much money) but I had to fire them because they didn’t know what they were talking about.” (2^nd most outrageous)

So there I am, could have filled my water bottle at least 4 times still listening. I am leaning down to actually get a drink. IIWW asks this person “Since I got here at noon do I get a lunch at my normal break time or should I just take my break?” (Almost choked on that one) She asks if he is staying and making up the 4 hours he missed. (Has no vacation time left so he has to make it up) He says “No, I thought I would work 3 so it would make it an even 6 I have make up with yesterday.” He walks away. She comes to where I am and we both just shake our heads and laugh.

Disappointment and Caught!

Well first of all iiww really really disappointed me this morning. We have a daily nickel pool going on his lateness. My time was 5 minutes. Well this is where the disappointment comes in. No one won! He was only a minute or two late (still late just not late enough).

Next, I made myself a piece of toast. I brought in an 8 oz tub of margarine that was 3/4 full about 2 - 3 weeks ago. OK, I have had maybe 6 - 7 pieces of toast out of this margarine before this morning. So I put my bread in the toaster and get MY margarine. Open it. There is about 1/4 left. I go and get a marker thinking OK, everyone knows its mine but I didn't mark it. I put my initials on it.

I am working along and hear the toaster. My office is right next to the break room. I get my cup of water and go to nuke it for tea. Really just wanted to see if it was iiww. Low and behold it was. He was just finishing up butter his bagel with my stuff. I say to him, "iiww, that's not community." "Oh, I will replace it." he says. Yeah right what fn ever dude is what I thought.

So, now the margarine is in my office. I will bring toast to finish up tomorrow and I guess have to bring it only when I need it.

This is quite a day!

Iiww is right on the money today. He came to me about 11:00am or so and asked for a ride to a pharmacy/store down the road at lunch time. He needed to get smokes. I told him no as I don't like to leave at lunchtime for varied reasons. So I am sitting in my office and got to wondering why he would have to go there to get them when there is a store not even a 1/2 block away. I had to ask, really I did. The answer I got was "I am broke and I need to use my health and saving card to get them. The card only works at pharmacies." He is given a certain amount of money by the company to offset his high deductible/low cost health insurance. Anyway I start laughing and said "So, you are gonna buy something that is bad for ya with money that is supposed to be used to help you stay health?" He got all red and got up and walked out of his own office! Yep, may day is continuing to be good!

First off let me tell you a bit about idiotboy I work with (iiww). He is 21yrs old, thinks he is gods gift to women (the thought of kissing him is gross as he doesnt bush much..ok there goes my toast), he thinks he is all knowing about the computer but is on the phone with IT at least once a week fixing his. Iiww loves to brag and lie. We believe today is no exception, he called in saying he was going to be late, as he got into a fender bender. Less than a month ago he was pulled over for running a red light and got a driving without a license as well. Here start the lies. Said he asked the cop and I am quoting here "What the F**k do you want?". Ok, that would be automatic go directly to jail do not pass go. He also said it was a stop sign and the cops were out to get him(like who would want him)! Guess he didn't realize it would be in the paper. Ok, back to today. He walks in with the cell phone glued to his ear as per usual for all day saying "I love you". Poor girl. 4 out of 5 in the office had hoped he was driving. He would go to jail then, no luck there. I happen to be going back to my office from the water fountain when he walked by. I yell to someone else "guess we didn't get lucky today!" she busts out laughing. The other 2 come out of their offices laughing. He gives me a dirty look and slams his door! Hahahaha...my day has started out really well. Hope the rest is this good!